Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
