So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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