The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
