It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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