im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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