I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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