After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
