I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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