i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
