I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
