At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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