Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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