i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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