Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
