tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
