honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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