I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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