I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
