Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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