she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize