just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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