well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
