So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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