respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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