I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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