Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
