Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
