I bet he comes in French.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wear drunk well.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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