I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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