i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
