He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
