yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
