I'm so fucking centered right now
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize