His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
