If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
