i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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