tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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