We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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