i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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