he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
