you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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