My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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