i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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