I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
