You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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