Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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