i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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