My first STD was from a foam party
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
