the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
