the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Houston, we have a blender
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
