I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
that's an acceptable place to lick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
