Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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