whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
