im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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