I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
