Have you finally orgasmed yet?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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