Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize