thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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