Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
