My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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